Why aren't you a Trump supporter?

I don’t hide in my hotel room while everybody else keeps the appointed time and place because my hair might get wet

It’s uncool to lurk around teenage girls’ dressing rooms

I have an acute aversion to scumbags

If Donald Trump is so evil and Joe Biden is so good why is Trump the one selflessly providing Bibles for the needy while Biden doesn't? Why doesn't Biden care for America's spiritually needy people as much as Trump?

I have no sicko desire to control women or have a bizarro hangup with “blood”

I understand historical events enough to know there were no airports in the eighteenth century, that Canada didn’t burn the White House half a century before it existed and that World War Two already happened

I know that if I or anyone I know commits a crime we’ll go to the clink

Trump is shot, tackled by SS agents, yet then stands, defiant, with fist high, and 52 hours later, walks into the Republican Convention to thunderous applause. Is there anything that can stop this man, who loves his country? Does he get your vote?

I don’t pretend not to know who David Dooky is just because he can deliver votes

I don’t buy made-up stories of “thousands and thousands of people dancing on rooftops”

I don’t run and hide from a debate like a fucking WIMP just becuase some moderator asked pointed questions

Why am I always so tired, no matter how much I sleep?

I don’t believe there is a fucking “president of the Virgin Islands”

I can read

I don’t buy bullshit

How do I find a transgender girlfriend?

Fuck that piece of orange shit, fuck his idiocracy, fuck his sexism, fuck his racism, fuck his religionism, fuck his divisionism, fuck his lying, fuck his orange face paint, fuck his worship of Cult of Ignorance, fuck his Cult, fuck his jingoistic horseshit, fuck his manuipulations, fuck his toddler-age WIMPism, fuck his fucked-up values of ME ME ME and did I mention ME, and fuck him personally with a giant razor sharp dildo that’s been preheated to 204.7° F and built to the dimensions of the Washington Monument. Slowly.

I know the difference between “give me your tired, your poor” and “they’re poisoning our blood”

I know that he didn’t run against “Obamna”

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I don’t respect a sleazeball who lies about his height just so he can lie about his weight

I respect other cultures and don’t respect those who don’t

I know that sounds DO NOT cause cancer.

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Let us count the ways. Captain Obvious says:

I know the difference between Sioux City and Sioux Falls and even Sioux Center

I understand how hurricane paths work

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I understand that when you lose an election you step the fuck aside and take it like a man rather than invade the Capitol while your loss is being made official just because you’re a fucking snowflake WIMP

I’ve never tried to pretend the word would means wouldn’t

I don’t call Tim Cook “Tim Apple” and if I do I don’t deny what’s right there on the videotape because I’m too much of a fucking WIMP to handle Reality

If everyone hates censorship so much, why do those “censorship-free” alternative social media sites always fail?

I don’t cotton to rapists

When I go Greenland shopping and Denmark says no I don’t melt down like a fucking WIMP

I know the difference between “George Bush” and “Jeb Bush”

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I have complete contempt for intentional stupidity

I have a reading level above third grade

I understand that you can’t inject bleach or light

Is depression a cause for always feeling tired?

I understand geography enough to know that Belgium is not a “beautiful city”, that Paris is not in fucking Germany, that India does share a border with China, that that border is peppered with Bhutan and Nepal, not “Button” and “Nipple”, that time zones exist, that “shithole countries” do not, that “England” and “the UK” are not the same thing, that you cannot build a wall in Colorado to keep out New Mexico, and that the Bronx is not and has never been “a very wonderful place in fucking Germany”

I know there’s no such thing as invisible planes

I don’t watch or listen to advertising

I don’t hold serial bankrupters in high regard

I can count

I respect women and don’t respect those who don’t

I don’t respect shameless hucksters who try to sell a vitamin where you have to mail in your pee

I took the same Oath and took it seriously

EVEN FUCKING MIKE PENCE understands that

I understand that you can’t just fucking nuke a hurricane

A real man doesn’t grab women by the p***y

It’s uncool to set up soft porn pics with your own preteen daughter

I have complete contempt for fakery

I have complete contempt for fraudsters, and even less for repeat ones

When a reporter declines to join me in the rooftops fantasy I don’t go on stage and gyrate to mock his congenital disability

Those are a few reasons off the top of my head. How ’bout you?

I know who the president of Turkey really is

If someone works for me, I actually pay them

I don’t believe that Saudi Arabia and Russia “will vedoop bedeep uhhhh”

authoritarians can get down on the floor and bite my ass, yesterday

I see through liars

I don’t believe in asking the people of Iowa “how stupid are the people of Iowa”

I have complete contempt for traitorism

I don’t believe Nazis, Klan klowns and white supremacists chanting “Jews will not replace us” comprise “very fine people”

I didn’t get out of military service with fucking “bone spurs” that I paid a doctor to write

I actually pay taxes

I know what Nikki Haley’s authority with the National Guard is

I don’t believe the way to respond to a hurricane is to call a press conference to describe it as “wet from the standpoint of water”, to distribute Play Doh, or to stand at a podium throwing rolls of paper towels as if they were bottles of ketchup